


Weeviling Merry Christmas

by JantoOwnsMySoul



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Ianto is a lightweight., M/M, Torchwood Fic Week, TorchwoodFicWeek2015, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 21:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5263628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JantoOwnsMySoul/pseuds/JantoOwnsMySoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Day 2 of Torchwood Fic Week: Drinking.</p><p>One of my favourite bits from the novels is from Risk Assessment, when Jack tells the story of Ianto puking on a weevil at a Christmas party. So I decided to take that idea and run with it. :)</p><p>Oh, and the title comes from the UK Christmas song "Wombling Merry Christmas" by The Wombles. <br/>Look it up on YouTube, for non-Brits, it would probably be either hilarious or terrifying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weeviling Merry Christmas

Ianto Jones was drunk. It was not a state he was in very often, but the Rift had given them a blessed respite from the normal Christmas tradition of gifting them with all the crap it could throw at them. So the members of Torchwood had decided to take the opportunity to actually have a Christmas party. 

Even Jack was drinking, not that you'd know it. His unique condition prevented him from getting more than slightly tipsy. Which was good, since Ianto was drunk enough for both of them and he'd need some serious TLC come morning.

Suddenly, the greatest idea in the history of ideas popped into Ianto's head. Janet was downstairs in the cells all alone, while the rest of them were having a good time. He'd often felt she was a kind of kindred spirit, locked in that cage. After all, Torchwood could also be a prison. He swayed down to her cell and after a few fat fingered attempts at punching in the code, managed to release her. 

She looked up at him, vaguely confused as to why her caretaker was suddenly releasing her, before bolting for the passages that would take her up to the main Hub and the others, who were blissfully unaware of what was coming.

Jack was the first to notice her, the others were way past the point of being able to even remember what a Weevil looked like. He quickly grabbed a nearby set of handcuffs and moved into position behind Janet to secure her. At that moment, Ianto reappeared from the depths of the Hub looking like the cat who got the canary.

Jack quickly put two and two together. Ianto was never his usual sensible self less than when he'd been drinking spirits. And he'd downed a good portion of a 20 year old bottle of Scotch that Jack had been saving for a special occasion.

“Ianto! What do you think you're doing letting Janet out?”

Ianto spun around with a look of horror on his face as he realized that he'd upset Jack. He'd just wanted the poor Weevil to join in the fun with the rest of them.

“Jack, I just.....um.....well.....”

Suddenly, the nausea that had been waiting for the perfect moment struck. Ianto's face went green and he stumbled forward towards Jack and Janet before releasing the single malt and his dinner all over Janet's boiler suit.

Sighing, Jack guided Ianto over to the sofa, before taking Janet back down to her cell.  
The poor lamb was going to have a serious hangover in the morning. And Jack would make sure he was both taken care of and reminded why Ianto usually stuck to beer.

When Jack returned from dealing with Janet, Ianto was exactly where he'd left him. Snoring loudly and drooling onto his suit. His tie had disappeared hours earlier, but the rest was still surprisingly in tact. The silence otherwise told him that the others had apparently taken the situation as their cue to leave. He gently lifted Ianto, careful not to wake him and carried him into his office. His bed wasn't huge, but it was much better for the back than the other options the Hub had to offer.

Now the hard part. Getting Ianto into his bedroom without either waking him, or doing him an injury. He finally decided on a Fireman's carry since it was clear that Ianto was going to stay unconscious regardless of what was done to him. He chuckled at that thought, he'd normally make a joke about somnophilia, but somehow it just didn't seem right when it was Ianto.

Once he managed to get Ianto down the ladder, he gingerly placed him onto the bed, before going and grabbing a spare blanket. He wouldn't sleep tonight, he could easily go without. Ianto needed as much rest as he could before the horrors of his hangover hit him in the morning.

The next morning, Ianto woke with a start. The last thing he remembered was finishing off the bottle of Scotch that Jack had brought out a few hours into the party. His head throbbed, and his stomach kept threatening to rebel. He let out a moan, which alerted Jack that Sleeping Beauty was now awake. Jack stuck his head through the manhole, wearing one of his huge, cheesy grins.

“Good morning! Merry Christmas! How are you feeling? I'd imagine like absolute shit.”

Ianto buried his head into the pillows, trying to resist the urge to shoot Jack for being so loud. But he knew he'd brought it upon himself. He knew better than to drink anything stronger than beer. He just couldn't handle his liquor. But it'd been Christmas Eve, and it seemed like the first time in years he'd been able to relax and enjoy it. He tried to speak, to tell Jack to piss off, but all that came out was another groan.

Jack jumped down the ladder in record time and was by Ianto's side seemingly in an instant. Ianto had curled up by the wall, leaving Jack enough room to squeeze himself onto the bed behind him. “Poor thing. Shame Owen doesn't have any pills that get rid of hangovers. Although, if he did, I doubt he'd share.”

“That's OK, Jack. I'm sure I'll feel better soon, as long as no Rift alerts go off. I'd hate to have to go on any Weevil hunts in this condition.” Suddenly, flashes of memory began to take shape in Ianto's mind. Of releasing Janet. Of Jack's annoyance. And the worst, of puking on the poor creature. In front of the entire team. Including his boyfriend. His face turned a fetching shade of puce as the embarrassment hit. 

“Oh God, Jack. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that. I'll just be off home now.”   
He started to struggle to get up, but Jack just pushed him back down gently. “Quit that. We all have things we're not proud of doing, I've got a very long list. Now, it's Christmas, and I don't have any plans. And knowing you, neither do you. So stay, please.”

Ianto thought about Jack's offer for a moment. No, he didn't have plans. Rhi had invited him over to theirs, she did every year, but he'd never accepted. There was just too much he couldn't tell her. And there was Johnny. They'd never exactly been best friends. Finally, he turned his head enough to see Jack's face in the dim light of the bedroom.

“Sure. I'll stay. I think Jubilee is open today, we can get pizza later and I think I still have a few Bond DVDs in my locker that Owen borrowed once. I know neither of us are really into the traditional Christmas.”

Jack smiled, a real one this time, and helped Ianto out of bed and up into his office. It was true, he'd never been one for doing much for Christmas, after all, it wasn't really his Holiday. But spending the day with Ianto, just being in each other's company, was the best way he could think of to celebrate. And if he happened to get out another bottle of Scotch just to see Ianto go a bit pale, well, that was alright too.

**Author's Note:**

> The first draft of this was beta'd by the awesome youngbek.  
> But this extended second version isn't beta'd because I wanted to move on to the other prompts.
> 
> So if there's anything wrong or you have any suggestions, please tell me. :)


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